Much as I love making stuff, you'd never know it to hear me when I'm in full production mode. I am very much my father's daughter then, and the vocabulary is his, too. Dad was an Air Force Master Sergeant, so that'll give you some idea of how many letters the words I'm usin' have. Part of the problem is that I'm perfectionist and I want everything to look just so. The other part of the problem is that I'm just a little clutzy, especially with sharp things, and just a little—okay a lot—impatient. I'm easily annoyed when things don't go the way they should and when tools don't work as they should. Espcially tools! I have a lot of patience with people ( except myself), but dumb (in every sense of the word) objects, not so much. Combine this with the fact that I don't quite know what I'm doing yet, and every project is a blue air ( as opposed to blue sky) adventure.
Take these !#$%^ cards I'm making right now. I love them. They're fun and bright and goofy (as you'll see when I finally post the pictures). But I'm using Stardream cardstock for the accordion spines and on a good chunk of them, I scored the fold lines too hard, making the paper split. D'oh! I'm my father's daughter in this, too. The light touch is not in us. The last card this happened to, the covers were already glued to it when it split, which occasioned much cussing and an attempt to patch it artistically with some sturdy handmade paper scraps. Turns out this works pretty well, and looks kinda cool too, so I'll probably use it if it happens again. When it happens again. Because it will. Sigh.
But I've learned a lesson about scoring and a lesson about failure and mistakes. I've never been very good at messing up and living with it, but I'm good at problem-solving and improvising. Sometimes the improvisations work, sometimes they don't. But I'm also learning to let go of that need to have everything just so. I am, after all, making hand-made, one-of-a-kind objects. Even in an edition, each book varies just a little from the others because the only thing machine-done is the printing and the cutting of the boards. Sometimes accidents lead to interesting effects. I'm probably reinventing the wheel very often (yes, I do know about kozo paper, but don't have any on hand right now. Another lesson.) but the lesson, at least, stays learned this way. And it's all an adventure. Even if the air does turn blue rather often.
Hearteningly, I see I am not the only person struggling with this. I think Lea has a really great attitude about mistakes and the creative process too. One of the things that working with your hands can teach you is how little control you really have. Despite your best intentions or sometimes because of them, things will happen that you didn't expect. Sometimes the results are good, sometimes they just result in more work. So it's best to build that into your schedule, and surrender to it when it happens. Cussin' about it won't help, neither will calling yourself names. You're only an idiot if you don't learn from that mistake. So that's my new goal: surrender to the mistake and learn from it.
Better to learn and move on than to agonize over that which one can not change. To agonize will only make you crazy. That was certainly true for my mom and brother.
Posted by: Roger | June 16, 2007 at 09:56 AM