We are new every day.
–Irene Claremont de Castillego
And if we are new every day, new, every year, then we are always a work in progress, something I firmly believe. This is why New Year's resolutions are both useless and soon fall by the wayside. As with most desires, it's the anticipation, the process, the pursuit, that's both most enjoyable and most useful. It's the things we learn along the way to the goal that make even unreachable goals worth pursuing. In that vein, I've got some things I want to work on, and I might as well start with a fresh year. It's just a handy symbol to use, the turning of the calendar, like passing Go again on a Monopoly board. (It'd be nice if somebody handed us $200 every time that happened, although I suppose that's what year-end bonuses are. But not everybody gets those and it would be nice if they did.)
So, passing Go in 2006, I want to work on:
- My spirituality. Pray more, think more, meditate, find the core. Do what comes next.
- My entropic body. Yoga. Pilates. Walking. Good food.
- Learning Japanese cooking.
- More hand-made books. Make and sell more of the Ruins. Do Postcards from Home with Marcia. Do the broadsheet of On High in letterpress. Work with Carlos on his book.
- Writing and publishing. Finish editing my novel and send it out again. Edit more essays and send them out. Send out some more poems, too, while I'm at it.
- Enjoying the city I live in more. Visit the museums. See a few shows. Walk around and take photos.
- Reconnect with my friends, when I'm ready.
Now, the big question is, are there enough hours in a day for all this? Of course not. Especially since this says nothing about all the things I have to do, like bill-paying work, housework, taking care of the estate, organizing my life. The important thing is that I work on all of these extra goals, not what I actually accomplish. It's taken me a long time to learn that. In their own way, the "extra" goals are actually more important than the everyday things I must do. And this is not to say I don't have definite goals, with the writing and books especially, or that I don't expect to get some of them accomplished. The novel, for instance, has waited long enough and now I know what to do with it, so there's only lack of time standing in the way.
The most difficult thing is balancing spending time with my many friends and accomplishing my projects. Marcia and Jen are easy because they both understand the need for solitude when you're working on something artistic. Some of the others, much as I love them, don't. I've got elements of both my parents' personalities; the sociable side of me is Mom, the hermit side of me is Dad. I love hanging out with my friends, going to dinner and for drinks and to movies, but I'm just as happy alone, pottering with my work, or really working on my own projects like I have been the last couple of days. And if you're going to accomplish something, time is the most precious commodity. Writers and artists are hermits for a reason. Le sigh, as Pepe LePew would say.
And though I'm feeling unaccountably optimistic right now, I still have the hibernation urge. There's something very soothing about just working alone. It's like a meditation that gives me time to sort out my emotions in a way that being with my friends doesn't. Being sociable is a way to keep myself from thinking, a distraction, no matter how pleasant. So for a while this year, I'm not going to do much socializing, and I apologize in advance, hoping my friends will understand. Consider it a retreat, if that helps. Hopefully, some interesting things will come out of it.
Happy Hopeful New Year!
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