Down the Well

Okay, not a good day.  Not a good week, in fact. Bored stiff at work. Sinuses plugged with allergies. Costo acting up thanks also to the allergies and I'm just . . . tired. Pooped. Thankfully, I've been sleeping pretty well, whether that's thanks to the lavender sheet spray I've been using on my pillow or sheer exhaustion deponent sayeth not. Still, I had a little meltdown this morning while reading a friend's story online and that wasn't good. And I've got that bad combination of restless boredom coupled with complete lack of energy. Too brain-dead to write, though I have a story I could probably finish this weekend if I sat down and just got to it. Too brain dead to post much here or elsewhere, even, though I've been reading and thinking a lot. Too brain dead to tackle any reading that takes any thought, i.e., most of what I've got in the pile by my bedside right now.

So what do I do? I go out and buy myself a portable DVD player yesterday, which seems like a good stop-gap, if not a full solution to the I'd-like-to-watch-movies-at-home-but-don't-want-a-TV dilemma. Netflix here I come. I went out to Hollywood Video today and bought six used DVDs for $50, which seemed like a pretty good deal. At less than $10 a pop, it's cheaper than the theatre. I bought the two "Ghost in the Shell" mangas, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" (which I also think is the best of the three so far), "The Return of the King" (I'll get the rest later), "Something's Gotta Give," and Ewan's "Big Fish." They had both parts of Angels in America, but in my current state I figured that was not a good idea, and probably better as a rental, anyway. I might have rented Kinsey, for a dose of Liam, but I seem to have lost my card. I may wander over to ebay and see if I can get a used copy of any of the Babylon 5 seasons for a decent price. On the other hand, I might not get out of bed for a week if that happens. Maybe later.

I've been working on Paul's book, and I know pretty much what I'm going to do with it now. In fact, I went out and bought the paper and pockets and cards for it yesterday, along with some more odds & ends. I was doing some stuff in Photoshop and Quark for it yesterday too, which is good. It's nice soothing work because it's not as hard as writing, but it's as absorbing. I always find making things by hand to be sort of zen-like activities, when there aren't too many machines involved. Invariably, technology ruins the mood by malfunctioning in some way, whether it's faulty programming, or just plain malfunction. Nothing annoys and frustrates me like machinery that won't do what it's supposed to. On the other hand, I like the exactitude of handwork. If you do it right—without the impatient shortcuts—you usually get a nice product, even if it's not exactly what you envisioned. Of course, that's the perpetual problem with art: it's never what you envisioned.

I'm also not very fun to be around right now, I don't think, meaning that I'm more taciturn than usual and not contributing to the conversations or general merriment, and yet I don't really want to be alone, which is unusual enough for me. Roz and I are planning to go to Ikea in New Jersey tomorrow, and that's just about perfect: bright shiny things to look at, an activity that doesn't require much thought or interaction apart from "oo, that's lovely!" and gushing over purchases, and a road trip. Excellent.

But tonight I'm going to hole up with my new DVD player, a mug of tea (not even booze, as it just makes me feel shitty and not sleep right now, sadly enough), and anesthetize myself. But before I do that, I've got to clean my floor. It's disgusting.

Comments

[Jen-Luc]

I think it's a general feeling of exhausted malaise that seems to be sweeping the Northeast this week. Not only have I been constantly on the brink of exhaustion, no matter how much sleep I get, but everyone I know has some form of the symptoms you describe [well, maybe not the costo...]. Restlessness combined with boredom and lethargy is never a fun combo. And feeling too brain dead to write? I hear ya. And yet we struggle on...

Hang in there, and hope you start to feel better soon...