When I was a kid, I took ballet and tap lessons and I've always loved dance. Like most young girls, I was a huge ballet fan, an obsession that lasted well into my 30's, even though I realized I was never going to be a prima ballerina with my body (besides, it's really bad for your feet. Then I saw Mark Morris's dance company, which features a dancer who looks a lot like m. Sorta like the teacher in Edge City:
Why why why does this look so good? I can practically taste it. It's just ganache, but it's torture. I want a box of bonbons right now. Or to stick my face in that last pot on the right. And to think I was never a big fan of chocolate when I was a kid. [Via Michael Ruhlman and his Elements of Cooking]
You are Captain Carrot Ironfounderson of the City Watch in the greatest city on the Disc – Ankh-Morprok! A truly good natured, honest guy, who knows everyone, and is liked by all. Technically a dwarf, but only by adoption. You’d rather not be reminded that you are the true heir to the throne, but that does explain why people naturally follow your orders…
Esmerelda (Granny) Weatherwax
Lord Havelock Vetinari
Commander Samuel Vimes
Gytha (Nanny) Ogg
Cohen The Barbarian
I'm Carrot? My hair's not red anymore. I thought I'd come up more Granny Weatherwax, or one of the witches, for sure. I'm thankful that I didn't come up Rincewind, my least favorite Discword character. Even Death has more personality. And really only 38% Greebo? That's it? I'm shocked. Fffffft! Rowr!
I have to admit that T.S. Eliot is one of my least favorite poets and "The Wasteland" is one of my least favorite poems. I find Eliot extremely obscure, arrogant, and navel-gazing, especially in "The Wasteland," which seems to revel in its obscurantism. If that wasn't bad enough, I find his language dull. So I was greatly amused when Jen sent me the link to version. It's one of those times when the remix is better than the original. Think of it as Eliot's cats wreaking revenge on him for writing such a ridiculous poem about them and letting someone turn it into an insipid Broadway musical.
i seez cumean sybil sybil can has bukkit? sybil wantz DIE
1. IM IN UR WASTELAND BURYING UR DEAD april hates u, makes lilacs, u no can has. (1) april in ur memoriez, making ur desire. spring rain in ur dull rootzes.
earth in ur winter, covered in snow can has potato. PO-TA-TO. INVISIBLE SUMMER! RAININGZES! im in ur hofgarden, drinking ur coffeez.
at archduke’s haus, invisible sled! im in ur moutainz, holding on tight. no can has cheezburger. oral sex metaphors in ur poem.
in ur stones, whar r treez? (19) whar r bushez? ceiling cat cannot say. im in redrock, hiding from sunz. commin ze redrock. im in ur handfull of dust, showing ur fear. redrock, redrock.
whar r wind? INVISIBLE IRISH GIRL in ur homelandz, freshening ur windz
can has hyacinths, no can has tongue. Isolde u down teh rivers.
Sosotris Cat has smartz, (43) can see bukkit, dead sailorz in bukkit, hooked on fonicians. belladonna in ur rocks, situating ur situations. man has three staves, turning wheelz, INVISIBLE CARD. Sosotris Cat no can has hanged man: avoid bukkit or u drownz.
INVISIBLE CITY (60) i see dead peoplez under bridge, i see dead peoplez on der streets, walrus has clocks, says NEIN. bodiez in ur garden, sprouting ur zombies dog no can has zombies!
II. U WANTS TO PLAY A GAME? (79)
She has shiny chair, with tacky decor. ornate fornicate apellate, king in teh philomel, shoutin up teh desert.
world cries ‘jub jub bird,’ or is diffrent poem? INVISIBLE BANDERSNATCH! time killing everythingz, platos cave wall, forms in teh cave, shuffling in teh stairs, hushing teh room, ushering teh fatez.
“i has bad nerves. u can has speeches? u can has thoughts? u can has thinkings?”
OMG WTF RAT ALLEY (115) dead manz no bonez!!!?!
OMG WTF NOISE? INVISIBLE WIND! OMG WTF NOISE? ceiling cat is watching you masturbate. OMG WTF? WTF U SEE? WHAT U NO? no see, no know, no remember butt.
o o o o (125) shakespeare rag is smartness. im in teh street, walkens. im in ur schedule, measuring out ur life in teh coffee spoonz.
LOL hurry. LOL can has fake teeth? LOL ur husband back from war, wants some more. LOL hurry. LOL in your bed, makinz teh kiddles. LOL drugz LOL! LOL eating lambz. LOL SPEEDY LOL! LOL goodnight
III. TEH SERMON, IT BURNZ (173)
if teh river running, why not moving? INVISIBLE WIND. nymphoz gone. river has trash no more. nymphoz and friends left, no can find. shakey bones with big laughs r here!
rat creepin in teh banks, (186) fisher kingz has no fishies! rat eatin kingz relatives. king sees mrs potter, standing in teh bubbles. potter daughter hotter.
twitter twitter jub jub bird. still in rong poemz TRUE! INVISIBLE CITY eugenideez has raisin pockets, no can parly francay, wants lunch at cannon, wants weekend at pole.
teh day is done, teh crowd is throbbing. tiresias iz teh hermafrodite! tiresias sees:
teh sailor sails home teh typist makes tea teh house agent feelz typists teh house agent can has nookiez teh typist no has sensation putting teh needle on record omg hole in the wall
tiresias in teh thebes (grecian), speeking to deaders, sees on in!
thames has music, city has shiny decor, mandoline rains.
sweaty river drifty barges turny tides it all goes downhill, or at least downstream
liz and lester beating ‘ores, stern, swell, ripple, all downstream, big white towers
in teh canoe, (291) i r laying, begin again. INVISIBLE ANYTHING. no can has anything!
carthago can has delenda (307) fire! fire! fire!
IV: IN TEH WATERS, DYING.
dead fonician, forgotten bukkit, gulls, seas, moniez. fonician hooked on current. fonician in teh whirlpoolz, spinny spinny fortunes’ wheel. in teh fonician, ponder ur fate!
V: U LISTEN THUNDERS OR ELSE!
after torchlight shiny in quiet gardens (322) after sweaty faces in stony agony: teh screamz and teh cries! thunder in teh mountains, shaking all. if u lives, u dies. just wait.
u can has bukkit, (331) no can has water, ha ha no can has bukkit, just rock and sand. no stand, no sit, no shirt, no shoes, no service, just thunder shaking moutainzes. no can has water. no can has water. actually, no can has rock either. no can has water or rock, or for that matter sand.
ceiling cat is watching you masturbate (360) u and ur dirty friend.
what r sound? who r teh hordes? teh hordes on teh plains rushing. what r teh cities? INVISIBLE CITIES.
woman pulls out hairs tight, and fiddles teh hairs. teh bats r freaking! towers ringing bells, voices singing in wells.
rotten hole in mountains, (385) moon shining on grass and gravez! chapel is empty, only with chickens! cockadoodle doo! here comez the rains again.
teh metaphorz are thick and fast, (395) no can has literal translationz. ganga cat is watching ur fourth wall. waiting for rainz. cloudz in teh sky ar far ways. THUNDERS! datta means give! in a moment u lives, transitory, no can has recording. dayadham means be compassionate! u thinks bout prisoner, thnks ur in prison, damyata means have self-control! u r boat on calm seas, at least on good day
London bridges falling down! (425) falling down! falling down! fall down long time!
you get burned clean or you goes hell! burny burny burny! prince at ruined tower, storing pieces against ruin. Hieronymo’s goin crazeee cat! dada dada dada
I don't know whether to file this under Geeky Silliness or Silly Geekinees, but I squeed when I saw it. There's a new shop called Uppercase in Canada that just opened a new cyberstore. Among the goodies is a book called The Shatner Show. Inside are drawings and prints of everybody's favorite SciFi Love God, William Shatner. Here's my favorite, by Ronald Kurniawan. Go see the rest.
Hipsters, take note: you can't do this with tea, but you can do it with paper. This cappucino art video (courtesy of Retrospectacle via Jen) reminded me of similar demos I've seen of paper marbling, the difference being that you drink the product rather than make pretty things out of it. But talk about ephemera!
Here's a vid of the traditional Turkish paper marbling called Ebru. You'll see what I mean when you compare the two. The technique and process are very, very similar. How odd, huh?
This is way too good to pass up: paper arts, geekiness, and fandom all in one! In other words, some brilliant Star Wars origami by Phillip West. Although I've never tried it, I'm a huge fan of origami and I'm endlessly amazed by the cleverness of people who do it. One of my favorite bits of business in Blade Runner was Edward James Olmos's character's little origami leavings. They were both clever and ominous at the same time. And talk about ominous, here is the Emperor with his blue lightning, and some of his original work too, which is equally science-fictiony:
Who needs action figures when you can make your own?
Poetry Links: Where to hear it, see it, perform it
Academy of American Poets Sponsors National Poetry Month in April and has a huge audio archive of readings, much of it available online. They even have an iPhone app!
City Lore City Lore is the co-sponsor (with Poets House) of the biennial poetry festival in downtown Manhattan showcasing the nation’s – and the world’s – literary and folk poetry traditions with special attention to poetry’s oral roots.
Howl Festival The annual Poetry, Theater, Performance Art, Film Comedy and Dance festival in the East Village, usually in September. Named after Allen Ginsberg’s poem.
Nuyorican Poets Cafe Slams, literary events, readings, music, theater. Founded ca. 1973, originally as a home salon by lit professor Miguel Algarin. Old School slammin'. Don't miss it.
Poets House: A Place for Poetry Newly renovated and fantastically beautiful: a vast library of poetry books; literary center for readings and performances.
St. Mark's Poetry Project Started in 1966, the Poetry Project was one of the inspirations for the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. In addition to weekly readings and workshops, they hold a 24-hour poetry reading on New Year’s Day each year.